#Meatspace
When I said advocating abstinence is punitive to women, he advocated she gets married. #IFailToSeeTheLogic
...
A friend says, "What?"
....
(I had asked how men could be toxic, this was ignored.
No one answered this: #ToxicMasculinity ~ What would #NurturingMasculinity look like? #LearnToDream Let's answer in the positive frame, e.g. Not "There would be no rape", but "Men would seek informed, enthusiastic, consent, and ask what my favorite position is, and we'd do it first, and then he would not demand quid pro quo when I withdraw consent and would not nag me for the quid pro quo, and would wait for me to quo him." If someone goes to the negative answer, please write their answer in the positive form, and multiple rewritings of the negative form are encouraged, so everyone do one.
....
Instead, punitive abstinence:
...
Is this one of my too-tight sentences again? 🙂 I wonder if this is also the reason why no one has answered my #NurturingMasculinity question.
....
Or people don't think that abstinence is punitive to women?
...
We were talking about the article I recently posted on the fact that sex is on the decline all over the world. The article theorized that masturbating is easier thanks to Porn, Toys, and masturbation-servicing sex work.
The guy had just given us a very slanted pro-Old Testament lecture.
He made the the point that herpes is caught from too much sex. (!)
(Herpes shaming is rediculous. You can get any sex disease the first time you have sex with your husband. And almost everyone has it because there are skin to skin ways of transmission. Many people have it and don't know it. An estimated 80% of people.)
(But that ignorance aside, let's focus on getting good nooky.)
I do think the article is wrong in its monofocus on where it places the blame. After all I have studied Dan at great length. #LoveDan #AlwaysWill
In my view, the decline of sex (poor little incels), is the rise of women's power to say no.
(westernised white women) are saying No in the #Meatspace because they can. Women can opt for the vibrator (since only 25% of women orgasme from vaginale intercourse and men only want to do that and nothing else. Women can choose not to marry because they can have bank accounts, land, and jobs. (Not free from discrimination, but definitely more than women in most countries.)
The #Meatspace is where it is difficult to negotiate consent, orgasme, and ante-nuptial contracts.
Previously, we were pipeline into marriage by the men who (astonishingly) feel it's OK that women are not allowed bank accounts, or LAND, or jobs. Or even toilets in town.
(All the old-testament guy could do was interrupt me with the thousands-year-old biblical get-married position, like I'd never heard it before, and I've been married for ten years longer than he has.)
I would use the past tense, except that these practices are still alive and well and desired-by-men in these recession times. Everytime there's a recession, the powerless suffer because they are where the locus of anxiety plays out. Their bodies, their clothes, their rights.
When you have lots of sex, you learn when the guy is not trying. Instead of blaming your body, you become confident to ask for what you want. In all the sex-shame centuries, women have been lying under men because the law says that there's no rape in marriage and she knows she is not allowed to say No.
Abstinence is sex shaming. Abstinence robs women of Perspective. Abstinence robs women of good nooky. And why?
Having sex, lots of it, makes you good at sex.
Win-win.
Marraige is not the place (often) where good sex is had. Regular sex yes, as the article points out. When you live in the same house you have more sex.
And then you get bored of the same old pre-negotiated, I-know-what's-off-the-table sex.
Sex in marraige can be masturbation.
So who is winning?
I say if we are all running around having sex with all sorts of people under all sorts of ladders, more people will be having fun, consensually, and will find it easy and ordinary to negotiate condom-use.
Gay men have the most sex. Because they HAVE to negotiate, and condoms are standard. If the other guy doesn't negotiate you know he's horrible, and if he didn't bring a condom he's unwise. Done and dusted.
If gay men are getting it right, how come straight men aren't?
Straight men disrespect women and use them as masturbatory tools. Women have to reposition themselves the same as gay men. They have to look at the guy taking his pleasure with no negotiation and no condom and say, "There's something wrong with this picture." MAYBE I SHOULDN'T MARRY HIM.
Except that women never get to learn this, and have to marry to eat in so many countries in the world.
That's my theory anyway.
...
A friend says, "What?"
....
(I had asked how men could be toxic, this was ignored.
No one answered this: #ToxicMasculinity ~ What would #NurturingMasculinity look like? #LearnToDream Let's answer in the positive frame, e.g. Not "There would be no rape", but "Men would seek informed, enthusiastic, consent, and ask what my favorite position is, and we'd do it first, and then he would not demand quid pro quo when I withdraw consent and would not nag me for the quid pro quo, and would wait for me to quo him." If someone goes to the negative answer, please write their answer in the positive form, and multiple rewritings of the negative form are encouraged, so everyone do one.
....
Instead, punitive abstinence:
...
Is this one of my too-tight sentences again? 🙂 I wonder if this is also the reason why no one has answered my #NurturingMasculinity question.
....
Or people don't think that abstinence is punitive to women?
...
We were talking about the article I recently posted on the fact that sex is on the decline all over the world. The article theorized that masturbating is easier thanks to Porn, Toys, and masturbation-servicing sex work.
The guy had just given us a very slanted pro-Old Testament lecture.
He made the the point that herpes is caught from too much sex. (!)
(Herpes shaming is rediculous. You can get any sex disease the first time you have sex with your husband. And almost everyone has it because there are skin to skin ways of transmission. Many people have it and don't know it. An estimated 80% of people.)
(But that ignorance aside, let's focus on getting good nooky.)
I do think the article is wrong in its monofocus on where it places the blame. After all I have studied Dan at great length. #LoveDan #AlwaysWill
In my view, the decline of sex (poor little incels), is the rise of women's power to say no.
(westernised white women) are saying No in the #Meatspace because they can. Women can opt for the vibrator (since only 25% of women orgasme from vaginale intercourse and men only want to do that and nothing else. Women can choose not to marry because they can have bank accounts, land, and jobs. (Not free from discrimination, but definitely more than women in most countries.)
The #Meatspace is where it is difficult to negotiate consent, orgasme, and ante-nuptial contracts.
Previously, we were pipeline into marriage by the men who (astonishingly) feel it's OK that women are not allowed bank accounts, or LAND, or jobs. Or even toilets in town.
(All the old-testament guy could do was interrupt me with the thousands-year-old biblical get-married position, like I'd never heard it before, and I've been married for ten years longer than he has.)
I would use the past tense, except that these practices are still alive and well and desired-by-men in these recession times. Everytime there's a recession, the powerless suffer because they are where the locus of anxiety plays out. Their bodies, their clothes, their rights.
When you have lots of sex, you learn when the guy is not trying. Instead of blaming your body, you become confident to ask for what you want. In all the sex-shame centuries, women have been lying under men because the law says that there's no rape in marriage and she knows she is not allowed to say No.
Abstinence is sex shaming. Abstinence robs women of Perspective. Abstinence robs women of good nooky. And why?
Having sex, lots of it, makes you good at sex.
Win-win.
Marraige is not the place (often) where good sex is had. Regular sex yes, as the article points out. When you live in the same house you have more sex.
And then you get bored of the same old pre-negotiated, I-know-what's-off-the-table sex.
Sex in marraige can be masturbation.
So who is winning?
I say if we are all running around having sex with all sorts of people under all sorts of ladders, more people will be having fun, consensually, and will find it easy and ordinary to negotiate condom-use.
Gay men have the most sex. Because they HAVE to negotiate, and condoms are standard. If the other guy doesn't negotiate you know he's horrible, and if he didn't bring a condom he's unwise. Done and dusted.
If gay men are getting it right, how come straight men aren't?
Straight men disrespect women and use them as masturbatory tools. Women have to reposition themselves the same as gay men. They have to look at the guy taking his pleasure with no negotiation and no condom and say, "There's something wrong with this picture." MAYBE I SHOULDN'T MARRY HIM.
Except that women never get to learn this, and have to marry to eat in so many countries in the world.
That's my theory anyway.
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